I love the holidays!! So much! I love family and all the time we spend together. I love the spirit of giving that's so prevalent at this time of year. I love the festivities. I just love the atmosphere that hangs around.
On that note, I actually find that the holidays this year are lacking something. It's taken me about a week to figure it out, and now that I have, I miss it even more. Things are different of course, after living on my own at college for a while, but I wasn't expecting them to be this different. Not that I don't like it. I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all, and while this isn't pain in the typical, physical sense, it is a different form. It's new and I've never had to deal with it before. My poor family had to deal with me for a period of time in which I was irritable. I couldn't figure out what it was. Exhaustion? Hunger? Tired of studying for my Independent Study course? I just couldn't figure it out. I've just not been feeling 100% and I didn't know why, which irritated me. Unfortunately I passed that irritation on to my family, and I so wish I hadn't dampened the wonderful mood. I'm sorry.
Why is it that when I'm feeling or dealing with something new, it takes me so long to figure out that I am dealing with something I never have before, and then figure out that what exactly my reaction is to it? Dumb!! Then during the whole time I'm not as good as I could be to those around me. Dumb, dumb, dumb! They don't deserve that!
Anywho....yeah. New feeling. Don't like it. But I'll deal with it. Like I said, I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. At least now I've recognized the source of it. (That's a plus). Hopefully now that I know what's going on I can not darken the holiday mood, right?
You gotta love life changing, don't you? Don't beat yourself up over it, though, it's okay to be confused sometimes. Can't wait to talk to you again!
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